Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
