how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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