Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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