Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
