the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
