A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
