Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
