if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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