clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
