i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
