He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize