I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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