we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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