We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
