dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
