Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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