my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need to align my fucking chakras
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
