If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
