new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
