..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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