We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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