My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
