just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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