Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
