Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
