I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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