My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
