ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
