What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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