After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
