my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
