Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
