i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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