Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
