Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
