Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
