Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
