2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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