Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
