I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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