I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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