Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
