he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
