Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
