walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
