every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
