I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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