i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
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I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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