I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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