I think I am morally bankrupt
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
