dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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