Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
