I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
