when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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