I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
