Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
