Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
