She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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