he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
