On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
