you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
only you would photoshop your dick
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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