we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
