Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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