There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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