Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
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