Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize