I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
