I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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