It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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