she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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