Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
